1. What Anger is Really Saying Though this article is about controlling anger problems in conflict, understand that anger is not bad. When you treat an emotion like guilt, shame, or anger as “bad”, you avoid it because it represents pain. The top five ways to control and manage your anger in conflict that I’m sharing with you are unintended to avoid or suppress anger. Acknowledge that anger is okay to exist because it communicates a message you need to hear. Anger in conflict usually signals emotional or physical trespassing or disrespect. Once you feel violated, ignored, or avoided, intense anger surfaces. It helps to manage conflict when you see that anger signals an unmet need you can fulfill. 2. Communicate your needs with “I” statements You get into relationship-trouble when you ignore the messages anger has for you as you attack another person. A simple way to minimize your tendency to attack is not use the word “you”. Do not say, “You need to stop playing games and clean up your room.” You can say, “I would like you to stop playing games and clean up your room.” Notice the difference? Amazing!