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It sucks to have low self-esteem. If you want to build self-confidence to banish these depressing feelings and finally become a popular person, follows these tips to quickly boost your self-esteem:

1. Do an exercise routine. Exercise releases what I think of as self-esteem-enhancing hormones. Just running or lifting weights instantly makes you feel better about yourself. You’ll also feel great about yourself once you see an attractive figure in the mirror.

If you don’t yet exercise, start out with brisk walking for 15 minutes a day, 3 times per week. Work your way up to 30 minutes 6 days a week. Make it a ritual.

I also encourage you to build strength. Even if you’re not a muscle-head, lift weights. The added physical strength adds to your psychological strength.

2. Reduce self-analysis. Low self-esteem individuals tend to suffer from social anxiety. A pre-cursor to social anxiety is self-obsession where the person continues to think about himself or herself.

No one thinks about you as much as you. Know that most people in conversations are more concerned about how you think of them than their perception of you.

Under the “Assertive” heading, you could have:
- A relationship-healthy response
- Strong, non-intrusive eye contact
- Win-win situation
- Example: “Could you repeat that please? I didn’t understand.”

Under the “Aggressive” heading, you could have:
- A fight response
- Stare down your opponent
- Win for you and a loss for them as you get your needs met at the expense of someone else (really ends up a loss-loss)
- Example: “Shut up and do your work!”

The Number One Activity to Teach Assertiveness

There are some activities to teach assertiveness I like that I recommend you use. One activity stands out, however. Role playing!

The best activity to help children is to role play. Act out situations they are likely to face in school and at home. If the child is having problems with a bully, be that bully (within reason of course!) and get the child to communicate and behave assertively.

Role playing is also useful for others you teach like women or teenagers. Tailor the scenarios to situations the person struggles in. By acting out the situations, you teach your students the assertiveness skills when they need them the most.

I’ve been a communication skills coach for over five years now and heard some scary stories of conflict management trainers opting for the flight response in conflict and assertive skills trainers unable to assert themselves.

Think about it. If you cannot teach yourself assertiveness, how can you expect another person to learn from you?

So the first lesson is to make yourself assertive in communication and behavior.

The Best Model to Speed Up Learning

The next step is to provide the passive, assertive, and aggressive model. Draw three columns with “Passive”, “Assertive”, and “Aggressive” headings.

Under each heading, write down elements that describe each type of communication and behavior. I also encourage you to provide examples.

Under the “Passive” heading, you could have:
- A flight response (withdraw and run away)
- Avoid eye contact
- Often a loss for you and win for them as you avoid having your needs met
- Say nothing

3. Breathe It seems almost silly to breathe when you’re angry, but this could be the greatest anger management technique I’ve discovered. When you’re angry in conflict, you cannot manage your anger or listen to someone because your brain is depleted of oxygen. That explains why no one hears you when they are angry! Practice deep slow breathes to reduce your anger at a physiological level so you can effectively communicate for better relationships. 4. Journal your anger Writing down what made you angry is helpful because it acknowledges and expresses anger. It’s best to communicate your needs to someone, but some times this is not possible so you can write about the situation in your diary. Journaling helps process anger and manage what made you angry in the first place. It can lead you to reframe the situation to see what hurt you in a healthier light. 5. Have a key word Develop a key word with someone you get angry at to let you know it’s time to cool off. It’s helpful for someone else to say this word because you may be unable to detect your anger in a fight from oxygen deprivation. Use any word that is out of the blue so you know it means you must go away to relax. “Elephant”, “saw”, and “plate” are just a few words that can be used to help control anger problems in conflict.

1. What Anger is Really Saying Though this article is about controlling anger problems in conflict, understand that anger is not bad. When you treat an emotion like guilt, shame, or anger as “bad”, you avoid it because it represents pain. The top five ways to control and manage your anger in conflict that I’m sharing with you are unintended to avoid or suppress anger. Acknowledge that anger is okay to exist because it communicates a message you need to hear. Anger in conflict usually signals emotional or physical trespassing or disrespect. Once you feel violated, ignored, or avoided, intense anger surfaces. It helps to manage conflict when you see that anger signals an unmet need you can fulfill. 2. Communicate your needs with “I” statements You get into relationship-trouble when you ignore the messages anger has for you as you attack another person. A simple way to minimize your tendency to attack is not use the word “you”. Do not say, “You need to stop playing games and clean up your room.” You can say, “I would like you to stop playing games and clean up your room.” Notice the difference? Amazing!